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What a Difference a Year Makes: Strategically Finding Joy After the Big Breakup

your life alignment Oct 18, 2019

Hi there, it’s Val!

Today I want to talk to you about the fact that it’s kind of a special day. I’m filming this on October 11, 2019 and a year ago today, I made the decision to leave my very unhappy marriage. To be clear, it was unhappy for a long time, and when people would say I officially ended it, I was constructively dismissed. 

I was in a really dark place. Not when I finally agreed to pull the plug, but my life was stuck in so many ways for so many years I had financial struggles. I had gained 40 pounds in the previous year. I didn’t spend any time at all in the woods. Maybe 20-40 minutes a week even though it’s a huge part of what I absolutely love to do.

My life was empty. I’d come home from work, binge on Netflix, my teenage daughter and I weren’t really talking. Our home was quiet like a tomb. There was no laughter, fun, ridiculousness (which I love). 

Yet, when I did finally pull the pin, and thought all the pain was gone, I had a year of firsts.

I experienced the first Christmas where we’re no longer a family. The first birthday that goes by, his birthday that goes by. Our smoochaversary went by. Part of the family that had become part of my identity were not longer.

Going through this process, I’ve been coached a lot and learned how to coach. I was very strategic about pulling it together, because I was done with my life sucking. It was sucking for a long time. 

How has it changed a year later?

I was walking in the woods this morning, and I do this almost every day now which is MASSIVE. It was 45 minutes of wonder. Before, when I was married, I used to feel this hole in my heart. It hurt so much all the time. Here I am now walking with my dog in the woods and enjoying the ferns and trees, and being so grateful for my life. I’m feeling so full and complete just because I was. 

This was a feeling I never knew existed. I regularly get this feeling now, and I don’t think I’ve ever had that feeling even when I was a child.

The other things that have changed in my life?

One of the big fears I had was having a mess of a separation. It was pretty messy at first. I significantly remembered all the light parts about my husband and every time I thought I him, instead of hating his guts I focused on the love I felt for him and the light that’s in him. Ultimately, we have a final separation agreement. It’s more than I want to pay, but it’s super honourable. It honours him, me, and most importantly, our daughter.  

One of the things I was very fearful of losing was the home that I bought before I was married and loved so much. Guess what? I’m still here, I get to keep it, and I’m so happy about that. 

My basement used to have “stuff” and garbage junk cluttered everywhere. Well, over the past year, my basement has been cleaned out in its entirety. AND I’m actually having rooms built down there because I’ve had this fantasy of having co-housing for forever. It’s like a dream come true. When I rent out the two rooms that are being built down there, I’ll be in a mortgage free situation. 

It felt like everything was going to go down in flames and it was very scary. I didn’t know who I was and I felt so much loneliness after I ended the marriage. 

A year later, do I feel lonely? Sure, sometimes. But do I feel as lonely as I was compared to when I was in my marriage? No. Way. I am WAY happier.

Here’s the point: When you have a decision to make or when you are going through some crap, there’s no requirement that you have to wallow in the crap for years. I’m not saying don’t acknowledge your pain, but you acknowledge your pain and then you move forward. 

How do you do that?

A part of it’s moving your attention, part of it’s getting some good help, some coaching, or therapy. Whatever works for you. 

I’m so glad you’re here with me today. 

Shameless Plug: My Your Life Alignment Course

As you know, I put my life on track. I went from my life sucking to my life pretty fricken awesome. I’ve traveled way more times in the last year than I had in the last 10 years combined, I have a better relationship with my daughter, my home is in order in a way I hadn’t expected, my office is amazing, and it goes on and on.

The point is, I developed a course based upon what I went through. The skills I’ve learned from many years of seeing people go through their own challenges, through spiritual wisdom, from therapy, and from brain based science. 

If you’ve found yourself in a life you didn’t expect or you’ve lost your way, or you bummed out by a lot of things, my course is going to put you and not only get you dreaming again, but putting you back on track with a strategic plan to pull it together AND to have you held accountable so you can actually create the life that you really meant to have. The universe wants us to have a good time, so why do we have to be so serious all the time?

Join me in the Your Life Alignment Course Waitlist so you don’t miss this opportunity. This is going to be powerful. 

This is Val, much, much love to you.


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